Funny Police Sayings
- You have the bladder capacity of five people.
- You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
- You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
- Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
- You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
- Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
- You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
- You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
- You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
- You have your weekends off planned for a year.
- You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
- You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”
- A little “stick time” has nothing to do with baseball.
- (Can you say “TAZER”???)
- You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which its located.
- You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: “Suicide…getting it right the first time.”
- You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
- You believe the Watch Sgt. is a crap magnet possessed by a demon.
- Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
- You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
- The person you’re speaking with states, “That’s not mine. I have no idea how that got there.”
- You believe anyone who says, “I only had two beers” is going to blow more than a .15
- You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
- People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.
- You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
- You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
- You walk into places and people think it’s high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, “They’ve come to get you, Bill.”
- You do not see daylight from November until May.
- People shout, “I didn’t do it!” when you walk into a room and think they’re being hugely funny and original.
- You’ve ever started a sentence with the phrase “We had this awesome dead body earlier. You should have seen it.”
- A week’s worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.
- You’ve ever referred to Thursday as “My Monday”.
- You’ve ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
- Anyone has ever said, “There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me.”